Six Months

Apparently, on the night Ollie was injured, I wrote a blog post. The intro said that it would be posting two weeks after I wrote it so that I could have time to notify all the necessary parties and talk with him before it hit the public internets. I don't remember writing this. Obviously it wasn't finished, since I quit mid-sentence. Maybe I realized that I could sleep at that moment and I walked away and went to bed. I don't remember much about that night. Discovering the draft of this kind of felt like a gift and kinda punched me right in the gut. I cannot believe how far he's come so fast, or how instantly our lives changed, or how quickly this has passed.

The six month mark has hit me harder than I expected.

Here is what I wrote that night, about 7 hours after the call:

I received a call this evening that my husband was seriously injured. His injuries are to his lower extremities. They informed me that tourniquets were applied and he was medevaced to the closest FOB. They gave me a phone number for casualty affairs, the people responsible for tracking the wounded. The Rear D Commander is the one who called me and I asked if his wife was available. He let me know that she was already on the way. Immediately after we hung up, she was at my door. I was grateful because I needed her to help get the kids in bed.

I called the number and they had no new information about my husband. I sat in my room for a while. I think I made phone calls. I regretted not filling the xanax prescription I got yesterday. When I was composed, I came out of my room and gave all the kids ice cream. We managed to get them to bed on time, although Birch knew that something was wrong. She asked if another soldier was hurt and I said yes, and I would give her more information when I found out. I did not tell her it was her Daddy.

Eventually I spoke with the CA person who informed me that Soldier Boy has had his left leg amputated below the knee and that his right leg is stabilized. They said he is in stable condition but intubated because he is sedated. His condition is now VSI.

I called his mother and told her the news and then hung up. For a while I laid on the floor sobbing, while my friend held me.

I feel like an insane person.

I am not sure if he has been conscious since the incident. I don't know whether he sustained other injuries. He has a neck brace but the CA guy said it was a precaution because of the sedation.

They won't have more information for me for 8 hours.

I am certain that he will no longer be able to attend the physician's assistant school as planned.

I am angry.

I am scared.

No, make that terrified.

And I will be carrying the whole family and holding us together for quite some time.

For this moment I am tired and maybe I will go to sleep. Or maybe I will lay in bed wondering what it will be like to lay in bed with my husband again. Or maybe I will lay there just